 Common
Funeral Traditions
Within the United States and Canada, in most cultural groups and regions,
the funeral rituals can be divided into three parts: visitation, funeral,
burial service and gathering.
Visitation
At the visitation (also called a "viewing" or "wake")
the embalmed body of the deceased person (or decedent) is placed on display
in the coffin (also called a casket). The viewing often takes place on
one or two evenings before the funeral. The body is traditionally dressed
in the decedent's best clothes, which may be slit up the back to facilitate
dressing the body. In recent times there has been more variation in what
the decedent is dressed in. The body will also be adorned with the usual
jewelry, including a watch. The jewelry and watch will remain in the casket
after burial, but it might be removed before cremation.
The only prescribed aspects of this gathering are that frequently the
attendees sign a book kept by the deceased's survivors to record who attended
and that the attendees are expected to view the deceased's body in the
coffin. In addition, a family may choose to display photographs taken
of the deceased person during his/her life (often, formal portraits with
other family members and candid pictures to show "happy times"),
prized possessions and other items representing his/her hobbies and/or
accomplishments. A more recent trend is to create a DVD with pictures
and video of the deceased, accompanied by music, and play this DVD continuously
during the visitation. After the services, the DVD is given to the family.
The viewing is either "open casket", in which the embalmed
body of the deceased has been clothed and treated with cosmetics for display;
or "closed casket", in which the coffin is closed. The coffin
may be closed if the body was too badly damaged because of an accident
or fire, deformed from illness or if someone in the group is emotionally
unable to cope with viewing the corpse. During an open casket, if the
deceased was of Roman Catholic faith, a large rosary made out of fresh
flowers may be hung inside of the coffin
However, this step is foreign to Judaism; Jewish funerals are held soon
after death, and the corpse is never displayed. As well, Jewish law forbids
anyone to embalm the body of the deceased. Traditionally flowers (and
music) are not sent to a grieving Jewish family as it is a reminder of
the life that is now lost.(See also Jewish bereavement.)
The decedent's closest friends and relatives who are unable to attend
frequently send flowers to the viewing, with the exception of a Jewish
Funeral, where flowers would not be appropriate (and donations are given
to a charity instead). The viewing typically takes place at a funeral
home, which is equipped with gathering rooms where the viewing can be
conducted, although the viewing may also take place at a church. It is
also common practice in some of the states in the southeastern United
States that the body is taken to the decedent’s home or that of
a relative for viewing. The viewing may end with a prayer service; in
the Catholic funeral, this may include a rosary.
A visitation is often held the evening before the day of the funeral.
However, when the deceased person is elderly the visitation may be held
immediately preceding the funeral. This allows elderly friends of the
deceased a chance to view the body and attend the funeral in one trip,
since it may be difficult for them to arrange travel.
Burial service
The Vale of Rest
A burial service, conducted at the side of the grave, tomb, mausoleum
or crematorium, at which the body of the decedent is buried or cremated
at the conclusion.
Sometimes, the burial service will immediately follow the funeral, in
which case a funeral procession travels from the site of the memorial
service to the burial site. Other times, the burial service takes place
at a later time, when the final resting place is ready.
If the decedent served in a branch of the Armed forces, military rites
are often accorded at the burial service.
In many religious traditions, pallbearers, usually males who are close,
but not immediate relatives (such as cousins, nephews or grandchildren)
or friends of the decedent, will carry the casket from the chapel (of
a funeral home or church) to the hearse, and from the hearse to the site
of the burial service. The pallbearers often sit in a special reserved
section during the memorial service.
According to most religions, coffins are kept closed during the burial
ceremony. In Eastern Orthodox funerals, the coffins are reopened just
before burial to allow loved ones to look at the deceased one last time
and give their final farewells.
The morticians will typically ensure that all jewelry, including wristwatch,
that were displayed at the wake are in the casket before it is buried
or entombed. It would be unseemly to have the decedent's heirs squabbling
over a Rolex or an engagement ring. Custom requires that everything goes
into the ground.
There is an exception, in the case of cremation. Such items tend to melt
or suffer damage, so they are usually removed before the body goes into
the furnace. Pacemakers are removed prior to creamation - if they were
left in they could possibly explode and damage the crematorium.
Gathering
In many traditions, a meal or other gathering often follows the burial
service. This gathering may be held at the decedent's church or another
off-site location. Some funeral homes have large spaces set aside to provide
funeral dinners.
For Irish descendants, An Irish Wake usually lasts 3 full days. On the
day after the wake the funeral takes place. Family members and friends
will ensure that there is always someone awake with the body, traditionally
saying prayers.
Generally speaking, the number of people who are considered obliged to
attend each of these three rituals by etiquette decreases at each step:
- Distant relatives and acquaintances may be called upon to attend
the visitation.
- The decedent's closer relatives and local friends attend the funeral
or memorial service, and subsequent burial (if it is held immediately
after the memorial service).
- If the burial is on the day of the funeral, only the decedent's closest
relatives and friends attend the burial service (although if the burial
service immediately follows the funeral, all attendees of the memorial
service are asked to attend).
Traditionally etiquette dictated that the bereaved and other attendees
at a funeral wear semi-formal clothing—such as a suit and tie for
men or a dress for women. The most traditional and respectful color is
solid black (with a matching solid black tie for men) preferably without
any underlying pinstripes or patterns in the weave. But failing that charcoal
gray or dark navy blue may be worn. Wearing short skirts, low-cut tops,
t-shirts with advertising slogans or suggestive images, or, at Western
funerals, a large amount of white (other than a button-down shirt or blouse,
or a military uniform) is often seen as disrespectful. Women who are grieving
the death of their husband or a close partner sometimes wear a veil to
conceal the face, although the veil is not common now.
Wearing colorful clothing is no longer considered inappropriate for relatives
and friends. Persons attending a funeral should be dressed in good taste
so as to show dignity and respect for the family and the occasion.
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