Surviving Significant Loss

We live by losing and leaving and letting go. And sooner or later, with more or less pain, we must all come to know that loss is indeed a lifelong human condition. -- Judith Viorst

Life changes that involve significant loss--the death of a loved one, divorce, career crises, decline in health, or other irreversible and unwanted situations--evoke a natural emotional and behavioral response called grief. Making it through the grieving process--learning how to live with a significant loss--necessitates hard and very often painful emotional work over a period of many months or even years.

When someone is permanently deprived of something they love, the loss can affect their very identity, for instance, how they perceive their role as a husband, wife, parent, son or daughter. Often the loss brings a sudden and unsettling change in life’s basic circumstances (such as a marked decline in financial means, having to live alone, or not being able to continue to live in a familiar setting) that can provoke extreme levels of anxiety or depression.

Throughout the grieving process, it’s important that the individual not judge themselves harshly or measure their experience against what they think they “should be” feeling or how they imagine others expect them to be acting. There is no one way to grieve—and certainly no one right way. People’s coping strategies vary and can be influenced by many factors that are exclusive to each situation. In addition to cultural and religious beliefs, these factors can include the nature of the attachment to the lost loved one, the circumstances of the loss (for example, was it unexpected, the result of violence, or the culmination of a long illness), previous experiences with loss, and the availability of others to extend caring support.

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