Sympathy Flower Etiquette

Religion

Christians and followers of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) typically appreciate flowers at the ceremony and in private settings; to avoid duplicate sprays, confirm the floral arrangements with the parish. Eastern Orthodox Christians often display the body of the deceased for three days before funeral, so consider sending your flowers to the funeral home during this period. Muslim ceremonies are simple and performed shortly after death; flowers are considered inappropriate, so show your support with gifts of food instead. In the Jewish faith, mourners suspend daily activity as they sit Shiva, allowing themselves to fully experience grief as they are supported by family and friends. Since flowers are usually considered a distraction during this time, check with the family before sending flowers; they may prefer that you contribute to a charity in the name of the deceased. Red represents happiness in Asian cultures, so avoid sending red flowers to Buddhists. Hindis often see fruit as the best way to express condolences.

Meaning

Humans have long been fascinated with flowers, and have attributed meanings to certain flowers. In addition to beautifying any space, your choice of flowers can send a message about the life of the deceased. Honeysuckle, for instance, indicates sweetness of disposition. Aloe represents wisdom and integrity, and the coreopsis stands for cheerfulness. If you’d like your arrangement to send a specific meaning, get creative and do a little research to find the flowers that best symbolize your feelings and/or the life of the deceased.

Color

Color is another way to communicate through flowers. White lilies and roses are often selected for condolence flower arrangements for their delicate, especially beautiful blossoms, which symbolize peace. Yellow roses indicate friendship, joy, and caring. Elegance, femininity, and grace are the messages of pink roses.

Aside from their traditional meanings, you may be able to send a message about the life of the deceased with your color choice. A collection of red, white, and blue flowers would be a way to honor the life of a veteran, for instance. The family of an Italian immigrant would appreciate a flower arrangement including the colors of the Italian flag. The family is sure to appreciate the extra thought and imagination you put into choosing an appropriate arrangement.

Regardless of your choice of blossoms or plants, or whether you send them to a home or funeral parlor, sympathy flowers are a wonderful way to send your love and support to those who have suffered loss.

Shapes

Funeral flowers chosen by the next of kin or close family for the top of the casket or coffin are usually diamond shaped or flowers made into the traditional shape of a cross. The size of the casket flowers are quite often dependent on the size of the coffin however, the same designs are available in varying lengths to accommodate this. Elongated sprays are traditionally made from white lilies with lush green foliage while crosses are normally composed from chrysanthemums or lisianthus, either on there own in the same color or interspersed with other seasonal flowers. Contemporary designs using the shape of a cross using a few roses and dark green foliage may suit a younger person's casket.

Heart shaped, circular or square design cushions are a popular choice of funeral flowers for close relatives to send. They comprise of tightly packed flowers, usually chrysanthemums or roses of the same color with delicate edging of a complementary color and a simple spray of colored flowers gently placed at an angle across one corner of the cushion. In lisianthus, white is generally the predominant color for the cushion bed while the spray can be made from any color, deep reds and crimsons can look very tasteful. An open intertwined double heart is a popular choice for a partner of the deceased to send, it is possible for the florists to use any small delicate bloomed flower to achieve a serene effect.
Special tributes such as names or items such as footballs or angels can be made by the florist who will work with you and provide guidance and support at this emotional time. Special tributes for children in the shape of a small bear or an arrangement which is upright, such as the gates of heaven, can be made by the florist to express your thoughts at this difficult time.

Funeral flowers in the shape of a teardrop spray or sheath are made with a flat bottom to lay close to the main casket arrangement and are sent by close family members. The flowers are quite often all of the same subtle pastel shades interspersed with foliage. It is common to use white lilies or carnations in these styles of designs. A modern look can be achieved by using a few white Calla lilies laid on deep green foliage and finished with a hand tied bow also made from foliage. Sprays and sheaths can be made in a variety of sizes, it can be a nice touch if the florist incorporates the deceased favourite flower color and type into the arrangement.

Wreaths in their classic circular design are believed to represent eternal life and never ending love, they are an excellent choice for all family members or friends to send as funeral flowers. The wreaths can be made using classic seasonal flowers packed tightly into the wreath. Younger people who are looking for something appealing and unusual are increasingly favoring more exotic and contemporary designs. Circular willow frames interwoven with Steel grasses and decorated with pastel tones and pale green wispy foliage is an example of a delicate and yet stunning creation which denotes never ending devotion.

Freshness

You want to purchase floral arrangements that are going to last long after the service and that will brighten the gravesite for days to come. However, it can be difficult to find the appropriate floral arrangement for this purpose . . . flowers that look good and last a long time, without being bright or cheery for the occasion. Some of the most beautiful flowers are quite delicate, but here are a few guidelines to help you choose the perfect funeral flowers.

Thicker Flowers

Thin, delicate petals lose moisture quickly and will wilt away before the memorial service is over. Instead, when choosing funeral flowers, look for ones with thicker, fleshy petals that can withstand heat and won`t wilt for quite some time. Some good choices within this range include carnations, marigolds, and dahlias, as well as lilies, which are a very elegant sympathy flower. Lilies will last for a very long time and are ideal for funerals, particularly when combined with other flowers to add a softer touch. Birds of paradise can last up to a couple of weeks and just the name makes them quite fitting for a memorial.

Full Flowers

ften you’ll find that fuller flowers don’t wilt as quickly. While beautiful and available in an array of colors, mums, dahlias and pom poms tend to last a very long time without wilting.

Flowers on Branches

Generally speaking, blooms that come multiples to a stem or on a branch will last for quite some time, sometimes even months. Peruvian lilies are a good example of multiple flowers on a stem, while apple or cherry blossoms create a long lasting bouquet that is truly one-of-a-kind and may be particularly appropriate for children’s funerals.

Classics

Flowers like carnations and daisies tend to last a lot longer than the average cut flower and you can expect these beautiful blooms to be cheaper as well. They can be found in a variety of colors, making these standard issue flowers the ideal ones for a small funeral bouquet. A gathering of dark red or blue carnations or a handful of darker colored daisies can be the best flower arrangement to remember a friend or loved one.

It is never easy comforting a relative, friend or associate who has lost a loved one. People are often uncertain as to the best way to show their sympathy. Adding to this uncertainty are changing trends in how Americans commemorate the death of a loved one. Services are simpler and shorter. Viewing periods are now typically limited to one day, if they occur at all. A greater number of cremations have resulted in shorter or no memorial services.

Flowers have traditionally been sent to the funeral home for display during the viewing and service. However, this does not mean that there should be no show of sympathy if no service is held. Grief therapists agree that the rituals surrounding death are an aid in the grieving process. In instances where there is no service, experts recommend sending condolences to the bereaved person or family's home.

Science as well as experts agrees that people find comfort and meaning in memorial or condolence flower arrangements. The bereaving often find condolence flowers and sympathy cards to the most meaningful gifts they can receive when sadness and pain seem to surround them.

Beautiful flowers have long been representative of the cycle of life and death. Because they can also symbolize hope, flowers serve to encourage the bereaved. Blossoms provide a simple diversion during memorial services when there may be few other positive influences.

As symbols of hope, happiness, and sorrow, flowers are an ideal medium of communication for times when you can't put your feelings into words. Though any gift of flowers will generally be appreciated immensely, there are some general guidelines and recommendations for choosing and sending sympathy flowers.

Religion

Many religious affiliations have traditions regarding sending gifts or flowers for memorial services or condolences.

Catholic

Roman Catholic Services usually follow these practices: It is considered appropriate to send flowers to the funeral home such as standing sprays, floor arrangements, standing arrangements, crosses and hearts. Sympathy gift baskets of fruit and food may be sent to the deceased’s residence, but not to the funeral home.

Christians / Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons)

Flowers at the ceremony and in private settings are common. Confirm the floral arrangements with the parish to help ensure there is little duplication.

Eastern Orthodox Christians

In this religion, it is typical that the body of the deceased is displayed for three days before the funeral. Consider sending flowers to the funeral home during this period.

Muslim

For Muslim services, flowers are considered inappropriate. Friends and family can show sympathy with gifts of food instead.

Jewish

During Shiva, mourners stop daily activity to fully experience grief as family and friends support them after someone's death. Flowers are typically considered a distraction during this time. Check with the family before sending a sympathy arrangement, as they may prefer that a charitable contribution be made in the name of the deceased.

Buddhists

Do not send red flowers; red represents happiness in Asian cultures.

Hindis

Gift baskets that include fruit are often sent as a means to express condolences in this religion.

Meaning

The meaning of flower species has long been a fascination to many. The color, design and history of a flower all contribute to its symbolic meaning in an arrangement. Honeysuckle, for instance, indicates sweetness of disposition. Aloe represents wisdom and integrity, and the coreopsis stands for cheerfulness. Florists can help with finding the perfect flower to send the condolence message you are trying to convey. Online sources can also help with identifying flower meaning.

Color

The color of a flower or a particular color palate of an arrangement can set the tone for your condolence message trying to be conveyed. Peace, tranquility and beauty are all feelings that can be conveyed through the use of the right colored blossoms. White lilies and roses are delicate stems that symbolize peace and are commonly associated with sympathy and funeral arrangements. Yellow roses indicate friendship, joy, and caring. Elegance, femininity, and grace are the messages of pink roses.

The colors in condolence flowers can also tell a story about the life of the deceased. An assortment of red, white, and blue flowers can be used to honor the life of a veteran. The family of an Italian immigrant would appreciate a flower arrangement including the colors of the Italian flag. An arrangement of your aunt's favorite purple blooms can remind a family of her love for life and beauty.

Condolences can be written. Condolences can be said. Condolences can also be sent through the beauty and colors of a well-thought out flower arrangement.
~Ben Anton, 2008

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