What to Say in Person

At the Service

Polite Conversation

Unless the funeral is very small it will probably be impossible for you to speak to all of the attendees. Don't even try. Most people will understand that you are not going to feel like making polite conversation. You will find that those will any degree of sensitivity will simply approach you, kiss your cheek/shake your hand and offer their condolences. They will not expect more than you are able to offer.

At the Viewing or Memorial Service

When a person calls at the funeral home, clasping hands, a warm embrace, or a simple statement of condolence can express sympathy, such as:

• "I'm sorry"
• "My sympathy to you"
• "It was good to know John"
• "John was a fine person and a friend of mine. He will be missed"
• "My sympathy to your mother"

The family member in return may say:

• "Thanks for coming"
• "John talked about you often"
• "I didn't realize so many people cared"
• "Come see me when you can"

Encourage the bereaved to express their feelings and thoughts, but don't overwhelm them.

Top